Saddam Hussein is dead

...and it still doesn't make the world a safer place. No, I'm no fan of Saddam Hussein, but he was not remotely responsible for 9/11, and his death will not prevent terrorism. Perhaps it will take the focus off the completely inept job the current administration is doing on their "War Against Terror," perhaps it exacted revenge for the Daddy President Bush, because he didn't finish the job in the late 1980's/early 1990's, but it won't solve anything. We've invaded Iraq and deposed Hussein, we've lost 2,000 American soldiers and countless innocent people. Where's Bin Laden?

Well, we don't know. We haven't seemed to put any effort into finding him. Who was he again, anyway? Oh, yeah...the terrorist who masterminded the 9/11 plot. Yeah. That's right. Thanks.

Crash (2004)

It occurred to me recently that some time ago, I'd posted very briefly about the movie Crash, which was made in 2004. First, there are two movies called Crash; the one to which I'm referring, and another which is very close to a porn movie. I'm speaking of the one made in 2004 with Matt Damon (or Dillon?), Sandra Bullock, and about a million other wonderful actors/actresses.

It is vitally important to the human race that you go out, rent this movie, and watch it. Why? Well, it's too complex to explain without your having seen the movie. I would never have looked at it, except I had to for a class in school. I wouldn't have looked at it because it's tagline didn't do that much for me (You think you know who you are...you have no idea), there was violence and burning cars and it wasn't a syrupy sweet, happy-ending type of movie. I always figure that if I'm going to shell out $10 for a movie ticket or $4 to rent one, that I want to be entertained. Violence and burning cars rarely entertain me. You can do the math from there. But I figured wrong, because this movie is so important that I'm going to buy it and harp on it and make my friends watch it, and I'm going to make my kids watch it just as soon as they're old enough to understand it.

Now, before you go, please prepare yourself. First, the movie has some light violence and harsh language, and a sex scene that's fairly graphic. I am a Christian...I'm not supposed to support, let alone like, movies with those attributes. And I didn't actually like it so much as I was completely awestruck by it. It's a work of art; I couldn't even verbalize the thoughts whirling through my head for a few days after seeing it. It's okay to watch it if you're a Christian. It's not okay to act like most of the people in the movie, but I think it's not only okay to watch if you're a Christian; it's valuable to watch if you're a Christian. It makes you think, and realize things about yourself that you never knew. It's okay to see things like this, that show what is wrong with the world. This shows what is wrong with the world. You'll know in the time it takes to watch this movie. Bingo. Think tanks have been working on it for years, but they just need to see the movie.

This is a powerful movie. I've read countless reviews that say that whatever movie is being reviewed is powerful; they're not. This is. This will (or may, depending on your level of cynicism) change you.

If you have seen it or after you do see it, if you want to comment here, that would be great.

I know the answer to -4(x-2)=6x-42

Two weeks in, I'm still in Algebra and damn near keeping up! I'm thrilled. It can be challenging but it's definitely do-able and I'm amazed that I've hung in this far. More and more makes sense each time I work on it, and though there are times I get confused (like now, at 12:34 a.m. on Sunday; generally if I walk away and get some sleep (hmm...what a concept!), I'll do well again in the morning. I thank God for His guidance in this class and His willingness to help me through it!

By the way, the answer is 5.

Gloria Gaynor

Algebra is going okay so far. Now, mind you, it's just been the first class, but Univ. of Phoenix partners with the ALEKS corp. (I have no idea what the acronym means at the moment) and ALEKS has a program to teach people math. I spent over 2 hours in it tonight and kept up much better than I thought I would. I finally quit when I started making too many stupid mistakes. I'll try again tomorrow night.

My husband and I are going to Vegas this weekend. No dreams of instant riches, just for fun and so I can see a friend who moved there. The kids will stay with my parents.

I'm tired. And sore everywhere. Work is busy. I'm going to pass Algebra! I will survive!

This is the BIG ONE! I'm comin', Elizabeth!

Yes, picture Fred Sanford clutching desperately at his chest, staggering around his cluttered living room, yelling the phrase "This is the big one, Elizabeth, I'm comin'!"

I start Algebra class tomorrow night at 6pm Mountain time. This is the class that, in part, kept me away from school for 20 years. I've been afraid of this class. I nearly failed Algebra in high school and that experience has had a lasting effect on me.

Happily, the learning team I had for my last class will all be a part of this class. Hopefully, we won't have much "team" work, but it's nice to know they'll be in class with me. I was comfortable in our last class, Composition. Grammar and stuff. Not so much in Algebra class. If God weren't going in with me, I'd run now!

I'll keep you posted.

Little Red Dog

It's been awhile. Sigh...I know. I wish I had some good excuse, but I don't. I've just been busy-and hasn't everyone? School is still on, and going well. I'm coming to terms with the fact that life is sometimes disappointing, but overall I'm more thankful than I have been in years, and not just because Thanksgiving is in 3 days. I find that if one makes the effort, one can find many things for which to be thankful every day, and that doing so is more than worth the effort. I've started e-mailing a couple of friends a list of things I'm thankful for on a regular basis (daily, if I can; though I haven't done so lately) and I notice a very marked increase in the level of my mood.

My husband and I recently (yesterday) celebrated our 18th wedding anniversary. Everyone says this, but I don't know where the years have gone. I still feel young, and have mostly kept my original hair color without any dye jobs (not in a couple years, anyway). I wish I'd accomplished more, but then, who doesn't?

We adopted a Little Red Dog. A friend found her lost, tried to find her home and couldn't, so we're the proud "people" of Rosie, the Queensland Heeler-type-dog. She's very sweet and loving. She's a runner, so we have to watch the front door, but she keeps coming back.

The election was good here; Arizona is a better place afterward and I hope, so is the United States.

Cherry Vanilla ice cream with that Magic Shell chocolate topping is good.

My friend, who is pregnant, is having a girl baby! We're all very happy. I'm giving her a shower. The party kind, not the wet kind.

I read the first 3 pages of the Algebra textbook for my next class, which starts next week. So far I'm not confused.

K. Bye!

I start tonight's post with a few housekeeping issues. First, why has it become necessary in our society to provide instructions for leaving a message? Answering machines and voice mail have been around for years with no apparent confusion. Now when I call someone and they don't answer, I'm instructed by the voice of the person I called to leave a message. After that, a computerized voice tells me to "press 5 to page this person now." Then, to "please record your message. When finished, you may simply hang up (well, DUH!) or press pound for more delivery options." By the time all this has gone on, I'm ready to simply hang up without taking the time to leave a message-I've already been on the phone forever listening to instructions! Okay, all you phone companies-we've been leaving messages for years! Stop complicating it!


And now, an update on "Elevator Etiquette." People-yes, you. I cannot stress strongly enough the importance of being ready to exit the elevator when you reach the GROUND FLOOR. It ain't goin' any lower, people...this is IT! Why must you hide in the corners nearest the exit door? I'm carrying a 30-pound tub of mail and walking from one end of the row of three elevators to the other to get to the open elevator...is that really too short a time to step out from the corner and exit the elevator?? They're just not that big! Get out! No, really, Get Out!!

And the final housekeeping item for the evening...stress. Yes, you know who you are. You thrive on stress and you're not happy until you can pass it along to others. We live in the richest country in the world. Most of us work in buildings without holes created by bombs...most of the time. Most of us have some loose change somewhere-in a car, our bedside table, couch cushions. Most of us have family or friends, TV, telephones, running water, bathrooms that work, streets that are comparatively safe. Yet executives, bosses, supervisors and Those In Charge insist that we all be stressed out. Today my boss asked me if I could clean out the storage room. It's a simple question, and of course I can clean out the storage room. I'm an able-bodied relatively young person who likes to organize things (well, at work anyway). What I can't do, though, is say to my boss, "okay, I'm cleaning out the storage room and these have been sitting here with the same dust pattern since I got here. They're never used. We are out of space. We need to get rid of them" because if I do, well then, of COURSE we can't get rid of them. Someone might need them. Someday. Somewhere. When last I checked, the laws of physics were still in effect and two objects cannot occupy the same space at the same time. If we can't get rid of anything, then I can't clean the storage room. It's simple.

Michael Moore should never be President. He's too important doing what he is doing. The fact is, folks, we have too much fear-mongering in this country. Do you realize that many, many people in Canada do not lock the doors to their homes? Ever? I heard this tonight and was floored--I can't imagine a scenario like this. In a bunch of different countries the yearly death toll from guns is in the low hundreds-under 500 per year. Way under, usually. (yes, that's YEARLY, folks)In the United States it's over 11,000. Eleven Thousand. CNN and the news media have created a problem, and that is that they need viewers. They don't get viewers by covering happy stuff (which, by the way, happens all the time). They get viewers by covering murder, car chases, people running from police, bombings, killing, etc. Viewers equal ratings, which of course equal dollars. And it's all about the money here in the U. S. We need to realize that everybody is afraid, and we're all afraid of each other. If we just quit being afraid, lots of the nonsense will go away.

Canadians were appalled recently to hear that people in the United States don't automatically get health coverage. In Canada if you're sick, you go to the doctor. When asked why, the Canadians on the street said "because they're people, and everyone has the right to live." We don't care about people in this country any more. It makes me very sad. We've become a cold, hard, dollars-focused nation. To let people without insurance die is criminal, and since so many people are for the death penalty and believe in the right to life, well then, let's apply the death penalty to those who alllow this travesty to continue.

While we're at it, let's apply the punishment for any crime committed with a gun to the owner of the gun (unless it's stolen by an adult criminal). That way we won't have hordes of people calling for harsh punishment for a six-year-old who doesn't know any better, brings a gun to school and kills a fellow six-year-old. This has to stop. If you're too stupid to lock up your guns, you're too stupid to own one. Turn off the TV and get a clue, folks! It's 10:00-do you know where your firearm is?

I have been on a soapbox tonight...thank you for your patience. I recommend any Michael Moore movie or book to any person reading this. Trust me...try it. It's not illegal, not immoral, and might bring up new points you haven't yet thought of. Also, watch the movie "Crash." There were two-you want the one made in 2004 about people in L.A. I am a total movie-weenie and I can watch it. It's extremely well done. I will tell you now that there is harsh language, but it will change your life and how you look at people. I will probably mention it again; it's that important. And now, I leave you and take my children to look through a big telescope at beautifl things worlds away. Back on Sunday. Have a good weekend!

Okay...so maybe NOT the end...

Well. It's been a crappy week, I'm sorry to say. I've been off fighting demons (figuratively) and I felt another blog post coming on, so here I am. Lucky you.

In addition to being wife of one, mother of two, and conquerer of the Calphalon I have other facets. I don't believe in the war in Iraq, for one. I think the Bush family has been keeping secrets and knew before we went into Iraq that there were no WMDs. I think we're in a big mess now and I don't necessarily believe that we should pull out at this point. I do believe that some good has been done in this war. I know Saddam Hussein is a bad guy and I'm glad we captured him. Now, can we finally look for the real culprit of 9/11? You know, BIN LADEN?? You can't possibly convince me that the United States government couldn't find him if they wanted to.

That having been said, I am in full support of our troops. It's not their fault that they're being asked to fight under false pretenses. I pray for God's protection on each and every one of them, and I pray they will all be with their families again soon. I grieve for the 18 and 19 and 20-year-olds who haven't even begun to live, but who are now coming home in body bags. Their sacrifices should NEVER be forgotten, nor should that of their families.

I am a Christian. I am not perfect, though. I have depression. Sometimes very bad depression. Some days I cry mostly all day. Sometimes I actually do eat ice cream right out of the carton. Some days I have sexually immoral thoughts--several per day, or hour. Some days I think about driving my car into a light pole, or off an overpass because I feel like my husband and children would be so much better off without me. Some days I hate my husband because he's gone so much of the time. I have my days, people, and they're not all pretty. Sometimes I wonder if I can actually be a Christian because of all I've described above. But I do know one thing: I have had a close relationship with the Lord for years and years. He has never left me. I know He has big shoulders, but I've been afraid to test that theory because I don't want to disrespect God. But guess what? God can take it. God knows my mind and my thoughts and my bad habits and loves me anyway. He knows I don't support the war. He loves me anyway. God knows I think gays don't get a fair shake in today's world, especially in the Christian world. He loves me anyway. God knows that some days I hate being a parent, and yet He's still my parent and He loves me. God knows some days I wish I'd never gotten married, and yet I am part of his bride, the church, hoping against hope to be able to prepare myself for His return. He loves me. God knows I hate the thought of the Rapture, Armageddon, and all that. He knows it terrifies me and always has. But He has made plans for me, He will care for me, and He loves me even if I don't pretend to be brave and look forward to it. I am a MESS, people...and He loves me.

Well, that's me for tonight. There may be more another day. I don't know right now. Right now, I'm going to throw away my empty ice cream carton and chip container, crawl into bed and watch QVC. I may even buy something, if there's something I'm looking for featured tonight. And yes, even though I watch and sometimes buy from QVC, God STILL has room in His gi-normous heart for imperfect me.

I'm crazy now, just like the others...

It seems I've joined the rest of the world in publicly talking to myself. Yes, now I'll be one of those nuts who, while walking down the street, suddenly bursts into conversation. Yes, I've acquired a new toy. A bluetooth toy. I've been meaning to get a hands-free thingie so that when I talk on my phone while driving I'm not maniacally endangering the lives of others. I've been feeling guilty for years now, not having one.

And because I have kids and a husband who works nusto hours, being available should something come up is valuable. And the bluetooth came in a package with my phone, sort of, when we changed carriers and got new phones. And yes, if we were going to continue with cell phone service of any kind, we needed new phones. A full charge would last anywhere from 3 hours to a day and a half-not exactly reliable, if you know what I mean. Plus my husband couldn't use his at work, and, as I've mentioned, he works a lot, so it was a problem. His office is underground, as it's on the same level as the stage in the theater where he works, so if he wanted to call he'd have to tie up the office line. Not pretty.

So anyway, I have a bluetooth and will someday burst into conversation in the middle of the street, or in a store, and it will probably annoy some people. Most things annoy some people. My life is more convenient because of it, and safer while driving, and I can live with that.

Elevator Etiquette

Now, who'd have thought that there would be etiquette issues with using the elevator? But, sadly, there are.

1) When waiting for the elevator to arrive, I don't care how many times you push the button. Go nuts, really. Play a song...whatever tickles your fancy. However, please manage to be ready when the elevator arrives! Don't be talking with your friend, who is leaving via the door of the building, and then have to yell to "hold the elevator!" while you perambulate your plentiful posterior to the elevator door! I have a life!

2) Also when waiting for the elevator, don't assume you are the only person on the planet. You're not. I'm here, for one. Remember that sometimes, those other people are in the elevator, waiting to get out once the doors open. Please don't stand front and center of the door, blocking the way for everyone else! It's cloddish and rude.

3) When you are a passenger on the elevator, remember where you're going...you won't be in the tiny room forever! You have to leave! So, watch that numerical readout. When it gets to your desired floor (remember where you're going?) be ready to leave the elevator. Don't hide in a corner and then dash out at the last moment, getting in the way of everyone who is waiting to get on, assuming the car is empty. Wake up! You're here!

4) If your office has space on two adjoining floors and stairs connecting them, and if you're not handicapped, would it really hurt to use the stairs once in awhile? For instance, I only work on the 5th floor, hardly a towering height, but I have been on the elevator many times with people who get on at floor 2 and get off at floor 3, making the elevator stop twice on a very short journey. And they have stairs! In this case, if you use the elevator to get a mere one floor up or down, you've invoked the "Dorkavator" rule, which is that some people don't understand how stairs work. These particular people in my building work in a law office...it explains a lot about the American legal "system," doesn't it?

5) There are limits, people! Jamming yourself into an already crowded elevator, between 2 people who are obviously having a discussion, is not acceptable. Most of us learned this in kindergarten or shortly thereafter. There is no need to jam yourself in...simply wait for the next elevator. I promise, there will be another one.

Ahh...I feel much better.

Reflections...

Hi, again. I've been re-reading past posts (ooh, I just LOVE alliteration, don't you?). In an attempt to do something besides complain about school, tonight I'm going to discuss something I'm learning about in school...the Constitution. Tonight I'm reading specifically about voting and voter turnout and voter rights. Very intersting. Here's a news flash for you...politicians lie a lot! Did you know that in other democracies, voter registration is automatic, meaning you are registered automatically as you pay taxes or register your car or whatever. It's just done...poof. No waiting period, no closing registration two weeks or more before the election. You're in. Simple as that. And, you vote on weekends in most other democracies, so everyone can play, not just those who can make it in either before or after work. A nice touch, I think. Many countries even vote on Sunday, or they actually declare a national holiday so everyone has the opportunity to vote. Amazing!

Did you know that in the way-behind-the-times-United States, only 6 states allow voters to register on voting day? Yep. You can walk in, register, and vote. Easy if you live in one of the six; not so easy if not. Here in Arizona, where I live, registration closes soemthing like 2 weeks before each election. You can register Motor-Voter, thanks to the U. S. Congress, but that's the only convenience. They keep the polls open until 7:00, which I thought was normal; but other states apparently let you vote longer.

And here's an idea for the news media. This one's mine. Quit the stupid polling, and report on the issues the candidates are running on! Okay! We don't care about the blue straw or the red straw! Tell us (or, better yet, let them tell us) their stand on a particular issue. All this polling just helps those too lazy to think on their own who is ahead in the polls, and who they should vote for if they want to be on the "winning team." Tell us the stats after the election if you want, but save voting day and the days before it for THE ISSUES.

By the way, the Supreme Court and the Judicial Branch of the government is quite interesting. To heck with your son or daughter growing up to be President, the real cake gig is the Supreme Court. Loads of responsibility, but very interesting work. Never a dull moment, I wouldn't think.

Some days I wish I had born British or Irish. I like the meter of the language as well as the accent. Oh, well. I'm also happy as a Midwesterner...

I miss my friend Rhonda and need to send her a card.

I was going to get my kids' pictures taken for school this past weekend (we do Sears; way more fun, cheaper, and better) but my daughter does indeed belong to my husband. She has a very practical way of doing things. Her bangs were in her face and irritating her, so she apparently grabbed them and lopped them off...right at the scalp. Nice touch! But hey, they're out of her face!

We got new cell phones over the weekend...those Razor ones. I must admit to having way too much fun with it. I have a camera phone! It's actually very nice to see my hubby and kids pics while I'm at work. Especially during a stressful moment.

We're getting a big storm here tonight. I keep praying the drought will be over. God knows best.

And now you know the contents of my brain this evening. I hope it's been a pleasant journey for you. Take care, and by all means, be careful out there!

Back to School

Well, the kids go back to school tomorrow. Did I get the whole house organized over the summer? No. It's just like it was on the last day of last school year. Did we take a genuine family vacation? Not really; we did do some camping. Did I save up our $1000 emergency fund as I had planned? Nope. $150.00. Woo-friggin'-hoo. After a day of near-constant interruption and being flung into volcanoes I have no idea how to solve, I left work 1/2 hour late to pick up the kids from grandma's house. Luckily, it's grandma's house. No big. But I had stressed all the way there, 40 minutes to cover six miles because of traffic. I seriously hate this city. Very much.

Then we went to Wal-Mart to get some fruit cups for the kids' school lunches, and some ink cartridges for my printer. I also found "The Dark Crystal," the Jim Henson movie from the 80's that they had seen part of, but not all of, and ice cream to bribe them to let me finish my paper for school. $70 later, we went to check out and waited in line. Several lines, actually. Only a very few "regular" registers were open; most of the open ones were those irritating self-check lanes. They never seem to work for me, and I always end up with a "helper" coming over to fix their dumb computer. We crept along like everyone else, and twenty minutes later we finally left the store. The schedule for the night was hopelessly behind at this point, and we drove through McDonald's for dinner. I just now got the kids to bed; it's 9:49 p.m. There goes that damn Mother of the Year award again!

Wow. Is this all there is? Just being behind and not meeting goals?

The sound of my head exploding

School is absolutely driving me nuts! I'm back in a study group with someone from a previous group I was in, and she seems pretty much bent on drumming up conflict. Maybe it was on purpose, maybe it was a mishap but last week, I was the only one whose stuff got put into a group paper that was due. I wrote what I was supposed to and sent it to the guy (also in our group) who was responsible for putting it together. He only put my stuff in because he said it flowed better. Maybe he and person #4 didn't write anything, and maybe they did. I don't know. We can't go back and change last week, and we can't endlessly worry that we might not get an "A" in every course. A "B" is acceptable, I would hope! I am totally exhausted and burned out and I have no desire to continue my education at the University of Phoenix. I am tired to death of learning teams. People either don't care at all whether they participate, or they have a freaking hissy fit if everything doesn't go their way...what a bunch of third graders! This girl wanted to be on my learning team next class...I doubt it! I can't take this again! I guess the only thing to do is ignore the frigging learning team and learn anyway, without them.

I don't know if I've mentioned this before on here, but I have depression. That is not helping this week, either, although I have been learning lots of new coping skills. I haven't seen my husband in a social setting in weeks and weeks, and tomorrow night we ARE going out for dinner, either with or without friends. I'm not feeling guilty every moment that I'm not slaving over the books. The whole point of U of P is supposed to be that they understand you have a life. Three more classes, then I think I'm out the door at U of P and will go to a regular university or college. Life is too short for this bull.

I think my tired eyes are going to go to bed now and maybe have the luxury of reading something for entertainment. Perhaps a novel...what a novel idea! (:-)

And I even screwed that up...It's Wednesday, for cryinoutloud!

Which, of course, I tried to fix, and now both posts below say Wednesday, making me look even crazier than I really am. What a fabulicious day!

It's a Monday...even though it's Wednesday!

I have had the kind of day today where I want to blow things up. I won't of course, so if you're reading, "President" Bush, I'm just kidding. I'm frustrated beyond bearing and so damn tired I feel like I can't go on.

I tried to break a plate, but it didn't...damn Corelle! This is a day when I want mounds of chocolate, mounds of ice cream, and some wine wouldn't hurt, too.

I think of women in my past who were an inspiration to me...my "grandma" (because she wasn't really my grandma, just a lady I grew up next door to) Hiatt, Mrs. Jenckes, Connie Brigham, my mother, my grandmother. Did they ever feel out of control? How can I learn to get as organized and calm as they were? No one in my generation of parents is...we're all desperately trying to hang on, trying not to implode. It's crazy. They were totally calm, or totally deceiving, one of the two.

My kids are currently sitting on the couch eating ice cream while I type this, which is a break from my homework. Is school worth them being alone in the next room? Am I a good mother if I let them eat and watch TV while I'm in here? Shouldn't I be filling their minds with wisdom or playing a game with them or cleaning up after them?

But alas, my homework waits.

Sigh...what can I say? I haven't had much to say lately. Tonight I have 2 papers to write, and I can't wait for this class to be over so that I can have a different "learning team." People just need to calm down. Our deadline is set; not everybody finishes assignments early. Get over it, people! Move on with your day!

We've been on the road somewhere every weekend this summer. I am tired. This weekend, my husband summarily announced on Friday night, he's going camping. He may leave Wednesday or Thursday, I don't know. Whatever. Bye.

Meanwhile, I have the aforementioned 2 papers to write, a presentation to prepare, a whole house to clean, and you know, I'd really just like to sit and watch a movie. I haven't had a chance to do that in months. Which is a pity, because we have Netflix.

As far as school goes, I feel like I'm just required to show up and pay. The teacher doesn't seem particularly interested in teaching; rather, he likes to have conversations with the class. This would be great, if we were in a social group.

I'd better start writing. It almost doesn't matter what I say, as long as I make page count.

I don't believe it!

I got another "A!" It was for my sociology class. I'm amazed. I just can't believe I did that well this time. I mean, all my papers were turned in on time and stuff, and our team stuff was done and in on time. But there was a test at the end of this one, and the instructor only gave us notes for the test at the very end. I'm amazed. But happy.

Sadly, I found out this week that my high-school history and government teacher died suddenly about a week ago. He was at a wedding and wasn't feeling well, went upstairs (wherever he was) and later, when his wife went to check on him, he was gone. He'd passed away. I graduated with his daughter, and she and I e-mailed quite a bit last year because she was planning our 20-year reunion last summer. It's so sad. He was always a fun kind of guy. My friends and I aren't old enough for this kind of thing to be hapening.

Next week I start "People and the Environment" class. I'm still waiting for my textbook to arrive. Hopefully it will get here before class starts. One can always hope.

Another one Bites the Dust

Another class has ended. I'm 10 weeks into a 2.5-3 year program. I think I did okay. Probably about a B in this class, but it's still passing. I'm happy. It was sociology. Quite an interesting topic, really. I learned a lot. Next up is Environmental Science. I took Environmental Biology my first go-round at college, but they swear this is different. I hope it is.

My kids have been in Disneyland with their grandma since last Saturday, and they're driving home tonight (actually, grandma is driving. They're 7 and 9). My son, who loves to travel and gives me a complex about being a bad mother because he likes to be away so much, said that he didn't miss home much. Thanks, kid! :-) Actually, my mother and I were also the same way-we love to be going somewhere. He comes by it honestly. My daughter is more excited about coming home and wants to see me. She's a sweetie.

While our kids were away and my husband was working this past weekend, I went to Kingman, AZ for the weekend. I did absolutely nothing. Well, I watched endless TV, my friend (who moved to Las Vegas last fall and met me there) and I talked endlessly and went out to dinner. We did visit a scrapbooking store and I got a few cute things. Totally restful, and a lovely drive.

My husband and I got a call from the place we bought our last car this week, also. They want to buy it back (right!). It's just a 2005 Malibu; but they swear they need them (they're lying. You know how I can tell? Their lips are moving.). But, the kids being gone and us having not much to do, we went to see them. Tony (hubby) found a neat VW station wagon he was interested in for $12,000-ish. We got to the dealership, and they love our Malibu. It's in really good condition (of course, I shouldn't type that because now, I'll get in a wreck), not a scratch on it, low miles, the works. I've never cared for the color; sand metallic I think they call it. But they "need" that color because it wasn't overproduced. Whatever. Before we went the guy said he'd give us $18k for it. We get there, and I think they originally offered us $13k. And the VW suddenly cost $16k instead of 12. Hmmm. No dice, we said. They came back with $15k for our trade. Nope, said we. We want $18k and the VW was listed at $12k on the internet. The funniest thing was that they tried to get us to sign this scrap of paper saying we would buy the VW if we could get $18 for our trade. We refused to sign it. For once, we didn't get walked on buy a car salesman. They kept offering us ridiculously bad deals, and we kept turning them down. We left in the car we came with. They're still calling us. It felt good to stand up for ourselves. It may sound dumb, but it was kind of cool.

I seem to be fighting migraines all this week. It's a bummer. I missed an hour of work Monday because of one; I left early. Of course, this being America, I made it up the next day being as busy as I was. This job is never slow, which is a good thing, really. I can't stand being bored at work. If I've gotta be there, I need something to do! I certainly have that.

Well, it's 10:19 here on the west coast of the dust bowl, so I need to get some sleep. I hope y'all have a pleasant evening! :-))

Uh-Oh.

I'm "over the hump" in my second class at the University of Phoenix, and I've hit the "blahs." I don't much care for being there, I don't feel like I'm learning anything important, and I don't like the learning team I'm on. Well, I like the people involved, but I don't like that we're not meeting and talking about anything. I kind of thought that we'd learn together, and we haven't. But it's not tragically bad or anything. Just annoyingly "blah."

Work has suddenly gotten kind of bad. Lots of grumpiness in general and it's hard to keep my spirits up there, which is not like this place at all. Maybe it was just a bad few days.

Tomorrow I'll study, and do laundry and iron, and maybe it will all get better.

The kids are making shirts (well, painting on shirts that we bought at the store) for their dad (my husband), their grandpa and their great grandpa. Sunday's the big day with all the dads, so that will be fun. I have to find a reasonably good seafood place where my husband will love the food and my parents will go. This should be interesting.

Sorry I'm not more fun today.

Grades are in...

I finally got the grade for my course today...an A! Although I had talked myself into being okay if it wasn't, and although I'd rationalized that this was just GEN300, not a"core" course and it was okay to get a B or C, I was certainly very happy to see that "A" just sitting there, waiting for me. It's a happy day! :-)

I placed into MAT208 in my placement exam for math. There was a 109, so I feel as though I'm at least a little bright. Not much, especially in math, mind you, but I may be okay.

I'm done teaching music at my kids' charter school for the year, and unless something really wild happens, I won't go back. It's full-time at the office, baby! It's okay. Having three giant things to do at once was a little tiring after awhile (office job, teaching, going to school) when added to being married, being a mom, breathing and sleeping. Which I've also grown attached to, by the way. I start a Sociology class tomorrow night, for which a 1050-1400 word paper is due. I have almost 200 words written so far! Woo-hoo! But seriously. Ahem. I'd better get to work.

I finished my first 3-credit hour class tonight! I think I may have an "A" in the class. Everything went well enough, and even if it's a C I'm fine with it. Our "learning team" has different classes next session, which starts 5/31, so we won't be together. But it was fun. I can't believe that I can actually do this. I'm so tired I'm about to fall over, but it's working. I feel weepy most of the time, but it's happening. Right now, I think I can make it through and become a teacher.

Communicate, dammit! We're married!

I don't even know what to call this post. It's been such a shitty day. I'm so freaking out right now that I can't even think straight. First, my co-worker hands me a couple of her projects yesterday so I can help her. Then, because she's so bogged down, she feels like she can't get anything done and avoids all of it (by her own admission). I'm WAY behind on my stuff, but I'm trying to be helpful. It's a new position and I don't want to blow it. Then, I have to teach 4 classes of students who would rather be on summer vacation, while I'm so backed up at work that it's not even funny. I called my husband on the way to teach and on the way back to the office to see if he could pick up the kids, but I couldn't get hold of him. I went back to work after this, only to find that my co-worker could tell I was stressed out, so she gave the mail to someone else to do; someone who loves doing it. Rather than the gratitude I should feel, I feel incredibly guilty and am worried about my position. But the day ends. Of course it ends late, and I'm all set to be late picking up the kids at daycare. I call my husband, whom I haven't been able to reach all day, but again, his phone goes right to voicemail. I'm beyond pissed at this point. I rush to daycare and get there 15 minutes late. The kids have "Movie Night" tonight, so it's over-processed McDonald's again (for at least the 2nd time this week) for dinner, since by now we have 15 minutes to get back to the school and they need dinner. Then I finally make it home for an hour or two of peace. My husband's car is here...cool! Time together! I thought he was working. But I get into the house and he's not here. At this point because I haven't been able to reach him all day, I have no idea what's going on. If he were at work, he'd have his car. But here it is. I call his mom, she hasn't heard from him. I call my mom, same thing. I call a few friends, no luck. I call his office emergency phone since it's after hours. They say that a truck he was supposed to deliver this morning didn't make it to where it needed to be. They'll check to see if anyone knows where he is, and call me back. By now, I've checked every room in the house, the front yard, the back yard, and the trunk of his car (okay, maybe I'm a little irrational by this point), and I'm about a minute from calling the police. I'm on the phone with his mother who agrees it's about time to call the police, when his work calls back. He's fine. He's with a co-worker, who drove him to their gig today because she got a new car. I burst into tears at the poor woman on the phone, who is very gracious, and then call and blubber to his mom and my mom.

I am truly glad he's okay, but I'm very angry now. I'm trying to decide whether or not to just leave the house for the night and go to a motel. I'm shaking, I want to vomit, and I can't believe this day. I need ice cream! Of course he is happily watching the Suns game, oblivious to my anger.

ALEKS

Hi, everyone. Long time no blog. School has been busy, and so has work. I'm making good progress in both areas, but I'm having difficulty managing my time properly. I suppose I'll learn more as I go.

Tonight is the night. I have to take the ALEKS math assessment. I have never been great at math. Which is to say, I've always been terrified of math. But math is just numbers. There are still only four basic processes: adding, subtracting, multiplying and dividing. The rest is just details. And it's just an assessment; if I blow it, it's not like they'll throw me out of school or anything. It's just an assessment, and it's just math. It's not rocket surgery.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Need I say more?

Suns 121, Lakers 90. Wow! What a series. Go Suns!!

I'm not usually much of a basketball fan, but that was truly cool!

It's tired out!

You know, I try. Really I do. And most of the time I think I do okay. But tonight I'm tired. I've had a literal pain in my neck all day. I get these from time to time, usually when I'm stressed out or tired. I'm tired today. Really tired. Our two kids had a total of 4 friends over to spend the night last night, and nobody got enough sleep. My son and three friends were out back in a tent (until one missed his mom and went home; then there were two friends), chatting it up until at least 11:30. My daughter and her friend were watching Cinderella, but then decided to "go to bed." Now mind you, to be honest, they never said they were going to sleep. Just to bed. They proceeded to talk until at least midnight. Mind you, my daughter's friend is 4. I swear my kids go to bed easily when it's "just us" at home, but add a friend or two in any situation and they turn into insomniacs. This they did not get from me; I love my sleep. Not that I've seen it much this past week.

Then there's school. I've worked hard, really. I've done at least an hour of homework time every night; most nights 2 hours. But I haven't been able to keep up with the reading. I hope this coming week to do better. I did get my 750-1050 word paper written (I wrote 960 words, by the way), and I got my search activity and quizzes done, as well as printed off two self-assessment things I have to write, because I don't have the ability to circle answers on my computer. Plus my part of the study group's outline for our presentation is done. But I didn't get all the reading done. I hope it's all okay.

It's 10:13 now, and my brain has shut off as far as taking in any more information. It all sounds like the same gibberish. I'm selfishly deciding to watch West Wing (which we recorded) with my hubby and go to blissful sleep, after taking my Benadryl. Maybe, if I take that, tonight I'll sleep without waking up to sneeze and blow my nose 50 times tonight. Maybe. Damn allergies!
Another week is on the way! :-)

The First Day of School

Well, tonight was my first night at school. So why I titled this "The First Day of School," I have no idea. It was really a night. But I digress. It was a lot of fun! First my advisor and the person who I met with to enroll both called me today to tell me the room number my class would be in. Room 106. I get to Room 106, sit through class 'til the break, and then go to sign in on the attendance sheet...but my name isn't there. The instructor kindly went with me to the office where we discovered I was in the wrong room. I then went to the right room just in time to introduce myself, and then go on break again! Too funny. Long story short, my instructor is wonderful, I think I'll like everyone on my learning team, and I'm really thinking that maybe I can do this college thing after all.

Work is also going well. I'm really starting to pick up on things now and there are fewer questions. I really can't get over how nice everyone is there. We have good days most every day. I'm doing less work but being paid more, I'm not being told every day how crappy anything looks but instead how well I'm doing, it's just amazing. Sometimes I feel guilty being this happy, or maybe afraid is a better word. I know God led me to this so I know it's the right thing. Happily, God also knows and loves my little paranoid brain, so He will lead me through these feelings, too. I'm so grateful that He has blessed me this much!

I had worried that my husband would have trouble getting off work in order to "cover" home when I'm at school and working full-time, but he hasn't. He admits that at least part of his problem was his not having proper boundaries in place in his life, and he was trying to basically play saviour at work. The 60 and 70 hour weeks were getting old, but now it has calmed down. Plus, God is giving me strength to do more than I was doing, so together we're making it work. Amazing.

I must bid you good night now, because my eyes are tired and my brain is, too. May you have a wonderful day/evening!

Something Big...the other shoe drops

Hello again! Well, shoe #2 drops tomorrow night as I attend my first class at the University of Phoenix. I'll be completing my elementary education degree. I was told there was some homework, so I logged on to the site to complete it, and it turned out to be 2 surveys about how I feel about returning to school. And to think I'd been so nervous about it.

Today my hubby is home, not working, which is a godsend. He's been working loads and loads of hours, but is trying to find his boundaries, and our boundaries as a family. He has been my rock for years, and part of me is terrified to go back to school because I'll be spending so much money, and I'm afraid the stress of his stressful job, plus me working full-time instead of my former part-time position, plus my going to school, will make his life miserable. He has a heart condition which will require a new valve in about 10-15 years and I don't want to exacerbate it at all by doing this, but at the same time we were both working so hard to simply stay afloat and keep the utilities on, that I felt this full-time job I have was a godsend...and it has been. It's a pleasure to be there every day. And school is something that he tells me he has wanted me to do for years. And I'm so happy...but I don't want him to die. He keeps telling me he's fine and will be fine. I don't know. I'll do my best.

Of course since school and work start tomorrow and my time here from now on will be slightly less (I only go to school 1 day a week), I want to get everything organized before I leave. Mind you, I'm starting from fairly chaotic and hope to get to "Martha Stewart" by 8:00 (including baking cookies, reorganizing the cart next to the stove, reorganizing the cupboards, reorganizing the kids' rooms, getting all lunches made for the week, doing laundry, buying a printer so I can do my homework, ironing, painting my nails, and losing 50 pounds), so I'm being unrealistic, but I need to get some things taken care of. Clean laundry would be good! :-)

But like I said in my first post, talking with adults about a topic that is dear to my heart will be a welcome change, so I'll look forward to that and try to keep things rational.

And now my beautiful daughter is looking for something to do, so I must go and see if she'll work with me today. Have a great day, all!

Almost a week...

Hello again!

Hello! Just called to let you know...my son is really "into" Neil Diamond right now. He is listening to my Neil Diamond Greatest Hits CD. Constantly. All night long! It's kind of funny, in a way, that we have a child for whom the stereo is an issue at the tender age of 8, and even funnier that what we're tired of hearing is Neil. I always figured it would be some hip-hop thing in about 5 years or so. Such is life with a child who has Asperger Syndrome, which, by the way, my son does. It's a little like having autism, in fact in layman's terms many doctors I've spoken to have called it "Autism Lite." Kids with this are typically very bright, which he is, and tend to fixate on things that normal kids wouldn't, like ceiling fans, something with lots of facts they can learn about, and obviously Neil Diamond.

It's been almost a week since I started my new job. I'm liking it very much. It is such an incredibly friendly place...I almost can't believe that I work there. The work seems easy enough, which will be welcome when I actually start classes. Maybe this really is a company that values its staff and works together as a team. I know that I hear that phrase almost everywhere I have ever worked but I haven't yet found it to be true. Usually someone is standing over the clock making sure that everybody is in on time and gossiping about anything they can sink their claws into, while smiling to everyone like the Cheshire Cat. I may actually be in a fantastic job here. I'm excited at the possibility.

We had a huge immigration march (actually a couple of them) here in Phoenix over the past couple weeks. I still think it's very sad that conditions in Mexico are so terrible that people constantly risk their lives in order to leave. What kind of deplorable is that? I can't imagine being so bad off that I would need to head to Canada in order for my family to survive. That must be sheer desperation, considering that there are miles and miles of desert to cross before one gets to any kind of civilization, let alone water. Incredible.

...And so It Begins

Hello. Welcome, whatever it is that's brought you here. I've started a blog because I saw a neat one I really liked and it inspired me. Also, I have some very interesting things happening just now; I've just (today) started a new job and I report back to school (University of Phoenix) on April 24 to finish my elementary education degree.

I found the blog I mentioned earlier in quite a roundabout way. One night I was fed up with the world and life, particularly my life, so I typed into Google, "Help me I'm going to kill myself." It was a bad day. But I was brought to this wonderful pink-and-rose blog called "My Salome Nature." It's about a mom and a baby and is quite uplifting, actually. So I didn't kill myself that night. Or any other night, at least until the present. So far, so good!

Which brings me to now. Until today I worked for a well-known charity. Surprisingly, it was unpleasant. Even more surprisingly, I stayed there a year and a half. I worked part-time for an organization in which most everyone I dealt with was severely negative, all the while talking about how the company worked to bring positive change to the world. Eventually I got tired of nearly losing electric service, water and phone because my bills were always so late, so I jumped at this opportunity which basically fell into my lap. Today was day #1.

It was typical first-day, but I wasn't confused and lost like I sometimes am on the first day of a new job. It looks kind of easy so far--I hesitate to say that, but I'm not complaining...I've been running like a chicken without a head for 18 months now and some calm, repetitive tasks will be welcome. I think it will work out. I hope it gets less boring. I'm truly grateful and don't mean to complain at all. Like I said, it's just first-day stuff.

As for the rest of my life, that which is not work, I'm married and have 2 children. A son, who is in 3rd grade this year and a daughter who is in 1st grade. They're wonderful, but of course all parents say their children are wonderful. I'll tell you, though, I'm not sure how they got to be so pleasant and smart. Most days I feel like I'm barely hanging on and yet it seems to be working out. God has a big hand in that, I'm sure.

School is still a mystery as I don't start until 4/24. I'm excited...a room full of adults, talking about the field that's dearest to my heart. I'm scared...what if, in the 20 years since my bright and shining one single year at Graceland College (now University), I'm not smart enough. But I think I am. I think I can do this. I want to do this.

And that is my first blog post. If you've made it this far, thank you! I'm going to see if I can put some color into this and see what else I can do to make it "mine," and then I must sleep, for work starts early! G'night, all!