Well. It's been a crappy week, I'm sorry to say. I've been off fighting demons (figuratively) and I felt another blog post coming on, so here I am. Lucky you.
In addition to being wife of one, mother of two, and conquerer of the Calphalon I have other facets. I don't believe in the war in Iraq, for one. I think the Bush family has been keeping secrets and knew before we went into Iraq that there were no WMDs. I think we're in a big mess now and I don't necessarily believe that we should pull out at this point. I do believe that some good has been done in this war. I know Saddam Hussein is a bad guy and I'm glad we captured him. Now, can we finally look for the real culprit of 9/11? You know, BIN LADEN?? You can't possibly convince me that the United States government couldn't find him if they wanted to.
That having been said, I am in full support of our troops. It's not their fault that they're being asked to fight under false pretenses. I pray for God's protection on each and every one of them, and I pray they will all be with their families again soon. I grieve for the 18 and 19 and 20-year-olds who haven't even begun to live, but who are now coming home in body bags. Their sacrifices should NEVER be forgotten, nor should that of their families.
I am a Christian. I am not perfect, though. I have depression. Sometimes very bad depression. Some days I cry mostly all day. Sometimes I actually do eat ice cream right out of the carton. Some days I have sexually immoral thoughts--several per day, or hour. Some days I think about driving my car into a light pole, or off an overpass because I feel like my husband and children would be so much better off without me. Some days I hate my husband because he's gone so much of the time. I have my days, people, and they're not all pretty. Sometimes I wonder if I can actually be a Christian because of all I've described above. But I do know one thing: I have had a close relationship with the Lord for years and years. He has never left me. I know He has big shoulders, but I've been afraid to test that theory because I don't want to disrespect God. But guess what? God can take it. God knows my mind and my thoughts and my bad habits and loves me anyway. He knows I don't support the war. He loves me anyway. God knows I think gays don't get a fair shake in today's world, especially in the Christian world. He loves me anyway. God knows that some days I hate being a parent, and yet He's still my parent and He loves me. God knows some days I wish I'd never gotten married, and yet I am part of his bride, the church, hoping against hope to be able to prepare myself for His return. He loves me. God knows I hate the thought of the Rapture, Armageddon, and all that. He knows it terrifies me and always has. But He has made plans for me, He will care for me, and He loves me even if I don't pretend to be brave and look forward to it. I am a MESS, people...and He loves me.
Well, that's me for tonight. There may be more another day. I don't know right now. Right now, I'm going to throw away my empty ice cream carton and chip container, crawl into bed and watch QVC. I may even buy something, if there's something I'm looking for featured tonight. And yes, even though I watch and sometimes buy from QVC, God STILL has room in His gi-normous heart for imperfect me.
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