A Friend Lost, and a Squidward Wanna-Be

Today's post was a toss-up between faking something happy, or honestly writng something not so happy. Honesty won. It's really hard losing a friend. But I have lost one, apparently.

Weeks and weeks ago, after years of being Ruth's* friend, and after years of hearing her attitude and general outlook on life nose-dive to levels that, to me, were scary, I told Ruth that I cared a lot about her and wanted her to be well. I said that it might be a good idea to see her doctor about her depression and at least consider medication. I thought this was a good thing for me to do, because I'm her friend and I wanted to be honest. I thought I could do this, because she never hesitated to say what was on her mind about what I was doing, or about other friends or people in general. She openly criticized people all the time. And that was when she was doing well. But at this point, her e-mails were full of hate toward whoever she happened to be talking about. I prayed about it, because I didn't want to fly off the handle and be hurtful. And one day, I felt God telling me what to say to her.

The writing flowed out so easily I know I wasn't the only one involved-God was helping me know what to write. I sent it, and later that day, got a very short e-mail back, saying "Your concerns are noted!"

I didn't push it. I thanked her, and she continued to tell me about problems she was having with friends. I commented on it, and always got short e-mails; in one she even said she didn't care to discuss it (whatever we were talking about at the moment) anymore. But I hadn't brought it up-she had.

Then, I went to Las Vegas, the town where she lives, but with another friend because we had scheduled a girls get-away weekend months beforehand. I didn't tell Ruth I would be there, because I also have a relationship with the friend I took the trip with, and even though I agonized over whether to tell Ruth or not, I couldn't find a real way to do so. What could I have said..."Hi, my friend Amy* and I will be there, but we're going to try to check out all the casinos on the Strip (which, to my traveling companion literally meant walking through each one-not hanging out and gambling) and I know you hate casinos and hate the smoke. We're also going to hang out at the pool, which I know you hate as well. And we're going to be on Fremont Street, which scares the heck out of you. Wanna join us?"

See, I thought I was allowed to have more than one friend. I didn't realize I was supposed to check in with every one of my friends to make sure it was okay with them. But apparently I should have, becuase Ruth called while I was gone. My son answered the phone, and when Ruth asked if I was there, he said that no, I was coming home from Las Vegas. And I haven't heard word one from her since, despite a return phone call and several happy, here's-what's-new e-mails. I have a couple different friends who come to Phoenix for various things, and they don't call me every time they're here. I thought that was normal adult behavior-sometimes, you gotta do what you gotta do.

So, anyway, I'm down one friend. She was in town this weekend, and of course I didn't hear from her. I'm sure I had to be punished for my trip, see. And that's okay, if if helps her feel better.

It's hard, but I'm still praying for her. Truthfully, I can't see what's going on in her world; it may be totally different from what I think. But it still sucks. I miss the happy her. And I hope she's okay.

On a happier note, tomorrow night is "Instrument Night" at my son's school, for the kids who want to be in the band. He's leaning heavily toward clarinet, like Squidward on Spongebob Squarepants. I'll let you know what kind of musician we have tomorrow!

*=not the real names.