Elevator Etiquette

Now, who'd have thought that there would be etiquette issues with using the elevator? But, sadly, there are.

1) When waiting for the elevator to arrive, I don't care how many times you push the button. Go nuts, really. Play a song...whatever tickles your fancy. However, please manage to be ready when the elevator arrives! Don't be talking with your friend, who is leaving via the door of the building, and then have to yell to "hold the elevator!" while you perambulate your plentiful posterior to the elevator door! I have a life!

2) Also when waiting for the elevator, don't assume you are the only person on the planet. You're not. I'm here, for one. Remember that sometimes, those other people are in the elevator, waiting to get out once the doors open. Please don't stand front and center of the door, blocking the way for everyone else! It's cloddish and rude.

3) When you are a passenger on the elevator, remember where you're going...you won't be in the tiny room forever! You have to leave! So, watch that numerical readout. When it gets to your desired floor (remember where you're going?) be ready to leave the elevator. Don't hide in a corner and then dash out at the last moment, getting in the way of everyone who is waiting to get on, assuming the car is empty. Wake up! You're here!

4) If your office has space on two adjoining floors and stairs connecting them, and if you're not handicapped, would it really hurt to use the stairs once in awhile? For instance, I only work on the 5th floor, hardly a towering height, but I have been on the elevator many times with people who get on at floor 2 and get off at floor 3, making the elevator stop twice on a very short journey. And they have stairs! In this case, if you use the elevator to get a mere one floor up or down, you've invoked the "Dorkavator" rule, which is that some people don't understand how stairs work. These particular people in my building work in a law office...it explains a lot about the American legal "system," doesn't it?

5) There are limits, people! Jamming yourself into an already crowded elevator, between 2 people who are obviously having a discussion, is not acceptable. Most of us learned this in kindergarten or shortly thereafter. There is no need to jam yourself in...simply wait for the next elevator. I promise, there will be another one.

Ahh...I feel much better.